The time has come to UPDATE YOUR BLOGROLLS!!

Hey Readers,

This will be my last post here on Blogger. I'm a Wordpress girl now.

Please visit! And please update your blogroll (she added, presumptively)!!

http://begayaboutit.wordpress.com/

See you there,
Erika

Turf wars.

This is the story of two teachers living in the burbs. Teacher Lady and Teacher Man both teach at-risk high school students. They mow their lawn and shovel their walk. They act neighborly toward their fellow burb dwellers, sharing tools and eggs as needed. Teacher Lady and Teacher Man support Barack Obama for President.

Two months ago, when Obama/Biden yard signs were on back order at all the local campaign offices, Teacher Lady bought a $5 Obama/Biden yard sign at the county fair. It was an understated sign, but it was theirs. She brought it home to show Teacher Man and he pounded it firmly and proudly into their clean, suburban lawn.

One week later, Teacher Lady walked down their gleaming concrete driveway to get the morning paper. On her way back to the house, she turned to gaze fondly at their Obama/Biden yard sign when --

*blink*blink*blink*

-- where was their Obama/Biden yard sign? And why was there a 'Lot for Sale' sign in its place?

Not knowing what to do (since Teacher Man was playing golf and she was home alone), Teacher Lady called Daughter to tell her tearily that someone had stolen their Obama/Biden yard sign. Teacher Lady was quite distressed, as was Teacher Man when he arrived home a short time later. Being good, property tax paying citizens, they knew to inform the authorities. They called Mr. Police to report trespassing and theft and, while Mr. Police did the job he came to do, it wasn't without a hint of irritation that he wrote up the report.

Later that day, Mr. Police returned. In his arms was their Obama/Biden sign, mangled and sodden. 'Is this yours?', he asked them. 'I found it in the ditch along a nearby road.' Teacher Man collected their yard sign and firmly and proudly re-pounded it into their yard.

In the week that followed, their suburb sprouted a dozen or so McCain/Palin yard signs. Given the conservative bent of this particular suburb, Teacher Lady and Teacher Man felt neither surprised nor threatened. They gazed upon their Obama/Biden sign happily as they drove their Prius to and from work each day, until --

*blink*blink*blink*

--where was their Obama/Biden yard sign??

Not again, they thought. This time, rather than call Mr. Police, they called the One Other Obama Lady in their suburb for support. One Other Obama Lady said, 'Fear not! I will get you a larger sign!'

One week later, they received their larger sign and it was larger and sturdier than all the McCain/Palin signs on the block (which, by this time, had doubled in number). Teacher Man nailed their larger Obama/Biden sign decidedly to the side of their house and, oh, was it a glorious sight to behold! The right to support their candidate without fear of violation or censorship had returned to them at last!

The following week, Teacher Man went away to a Teacher Conference and Teacher Lady stayed with Daughter and Daughter's Partner. Upon their return home on Thursday, they stopped at the mailbox at the end of their gleaming driveway where, buried in the stack of bills and magazines, was a letter from the Neighborhood Association Lady. 'This letter is to inform you,' it said, 'that you are in violation of the Neighborhood Covenant prohibiting signs affixed to the sides of houses in this particular suburb.'

*blink*blink*blink*

Teacher Lady called Daughter and Daughter's Partner in distress -- again -- this time with a mounting agitation, while Teacher Man poured through their copy of the Neighborhood Covenant. 'All signs,' he read, 'must be pre-approved in writing by the Neighborhood Association Board before being displayed in yards or on houses in this particular suburb. And there shall be no herding of goats or sheep or chickens.'

Teacher Man wondered, had the dozens of McCain/Palin signs sprouted from written authorization?

And so it came to pass that Teacher Lady and Teacher Man assumed their fighting stance, to prepare to contest the veiled threat of the Covenant, to protect their right to support their choice for President.

Not without our allies.

Jenn and I are blessed to be surrounded by parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, colleagues, and friends who treat us like normal people.

Please take a moment to think about the tail end of that statement.

Put another way, there are hundreds of people in our lives who do not view us as sinful, corrupted, or abnormal simply because we're gay.

This buffer of affirmation and unconditional love protects us to a degree that, sometimes, when we're in safe, non-public places, we forget that we bear the crude, unfabulously flaming pink brandings of the letter 'H' across our chests. 'H' standing for homosexual, the bristling clinical moniker for gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender persons used as the standard catch-all in churches, the media and many other institutions within our culture.

Sadly, these moments of normalcy are limited and isolated for us, or any 'homo', in our society.

In 2006, the majority of Wisconsin voters voted to ban same-sex marriage in our state Constitution. Marriage, the amendment said, shall be defined as a union between one man and one woman. Furthermore, the amendment said, any relationships similar to or resembling marriage, like civil unions and domestic partnerships, are also banned.

The truth here is plain: this was a crushing discriminatory act against at least -- at least -- ten percent of the state population. For the first time, the famously progressive state of Wisconsin carved hate into the document designed to protect all of its residents.

Every day, gay persons make decisions with regard to revealing their sexual orientation that straight people never have to make. I consider carefully how necessary and how safe it is for me to reveal that I'm gay in situations that many non-LGBT persons might not imagine in their wildest dreams. In most states, and at the federal level, we are not protected in the workplace, in our relationships, as co-parents of our children, or against hate crimes. In 1994, only two states prohibited harassment and discrimination based on sexual orientation in public schools. In 2004, that number grew to eight states -- out of fifty! Right now, it is still legal in 42 states to harass or discriminate against students, teachers, and other school personnel in public school environments.

We live in such a heterosexually-dominant culture that it's easy not to notice that ten percent, or by some estimates more than ten percent, of the general population does not have the same civil rights as the majority population. The US Constitution promises equality for all, yet state by state, LGBT individuals, couples, and families are being kicked while they're down. And while we have experienced some victories, like achieving full marriage equality in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and California, those victories are tentative at best.

On November 4th, Arizona and Florida will present voters with amendments to ban gay marriage, similar to the ones that have already passed in Wisconsin, Virginia, Michigan, South Dakota, South Carolina, Idaho, Texas, Kansas, Utah, Oklahoma, Ohio, North Dakota, Louisiana, Kentucky, Georgia, Arkansas, Alabama, Nebraska, Tennessee, Colorado, Oregon, Montana, Missouri, Mississippi, Nevada, Alaska, and Hawaii.

In California, where equality resounded from San Francisco to San Diego and where hundreds of gay and lesbian couples have been legally married since June 2008, millions of dollars are being spent by the religious right to persuade voters to rape and plunder these couples of their long overdue joy and civil rights.

Personally, I don't get it. I don't understand why any opponent of same-sex marriage would feel threatened by what Jenn and I share. I don't understand why, when I know from personal experience that there are hundreds of people in our lives alone who support full marriage equality, these amendments keep passing. Is it that our family and friends are telling us one thing and voting contrarily? Is it that these hundreds of people we know and the hundreds of thousands more like them are not voting at all?

Jenn has a theory. She says that, for us, it makes sense to focus so much on this issue because it impacts our lives directly on a visceral level. She says that, while straight allies mean well, it's not at the forefront of their everyday realities. The urgency isn't there for them like it is for us. There may be some truth to this theory. I remember one of our friends telling me right before the Wisconsin ban passed in 2006 to, in so many words, stop harping about our lack of rights.

What this friend doesn't understand is that the battle for full civil rights, full equality, and full inclusion, as promised by our forebears, will not be won without her.

Last week, Jenn and I received an email from her mom, who lives in Florida. The opening paragraph of her email leaped from the screen with its exclamation points. "I wrote to the editor!", she said. "And it got published!" We read on, tears curling from their hiding spots, floating on the love and joy propagated only by the healthy indignation and compassion demonstrated in her letter.

I've included her letter below. Before you read it, please think carefully about this. Politicians tell us that LGBT persons will receive equal rights in due time. The thing is, though, that our time is happening now. We are excluded now. We are struggling now. We need to win this battle against hate and discrimination now.

I understand how it may seem like this issue is not at the forefront of your everyday reality. But it is. As long as anyone lacks civil rights, everyone else's civil rights hang in the balance.

We can achieve equality in this country, once and for all -- but not without our allies.

Dear Editor,

I'd like to comment on a quote [from a teacher] in the article in Sunday, Oct. 12th's front-page article on gay marriage. The quote said that children from same-sex homes are very ashamed to let people know they have parents of the same sex. That feeling in our children is a product of our outdated, narrow-minded society of today. Shame on us for letting our children have this belief. We should be teaching them that a family is any group of people living under the same roof who love and support each other. That can be a mom, dad and children, two moms and children, two dads and children, or a single parent or grandparent and children. All of these families are prevalent in today's society and we as teachers and parents have the responsibility to help our young ones feel comfortable and happy with the family they have.

When I lived up north, this same amendment came up on our ballot. The Sunday before voting day, the minister of the church I attended openly told his congregation they should vote yes on this amendment. I wonder how many people besides me felt very uncomfortable with the idea that anyone following his advice has the right to tell someone else how they should live their life. All Americans should have the same civil rights no matter what their race, religion, gender, or sexuality is. I thought that was established a long time ago.

Some day when my daughter and her life partner adopt children, I know these lucky children will feel loved, secure and proud of the family they have. Hopefully by then, this country will be ready to accept all Americans and our children won't feel ashamed anymore.

Sincerely,
Jenn's mom

My mom, astrologist to the candidates.

My mom emailed me today, subject line "Updates and Tidbits". The entire message was about the details of our upcoming chili night and her coming to stay with us for two nights. Logistics, mainly.

At the end of the email was one of her trademark random p.s.'s:

"P.S. I guessed that Obama is a Leo and I am right! I got McCain and Palin wrong, though. That's because they are not authentic."

So true, mom. So true.

This made me want to throw up.

Last night we listened to John McCain tell America how proud he is of his supporters. My blogger pal over at Scott's Take posted this video. See for yourself why Senator McCain is so proud.

Taking it in.

I open this page
once or twice a day.
I wonder what it is that I could write,
what slice of life to serve as I fidget
a tarnished quarter in my pocket,
mulling it all in the doorframe
of this arcade.

What I'm coming to realize is that,
sometimes, I'd rather find a lonely bench
on the boardwalk away
from the clamorous whistles,
where I can pull my collar up
against the mist and notice
my breath filling my belly
with warm, dry air.